I did it again.

For the n’th time, I deleted my facebook account. Had deactivated it sometime back ( kept going back and forth quite a few times ), and life felt so much better. I actually had time to do things I wanted to- reading, working out, roaming around without a purpose. For showing off, I do have a dedicated instagram account ( which, btw, is also boring me of late. But, it is going to stay for sometime I reckon ).

But yeah. Facebook is over.

Good riddance!

मैं दीपक हूँ

Almost a month back, something which I have been working upon-for almost half a decade- crashed and burned right in front of me. Not that this is something that doesn’t happen to anyone else, but I can’t rob that event of its significance- at least, not just because it happens to everybody. I can’t.

I will not.

But there is a lot that I learnt along the way- or at least, I would like to think so. I also know that you can not foresee how and where all those learnings might come handy in future, but because they are a part of me- I know they will.

I am aware that my story is not limited to a project here, and a project there. Rather, it is going to be about the theme that I have invested myself into. That theme, which has driven me this far, is intact. If I had a choice of turning back time and changing some choices I made 7 years back, I can say this from the bottom of my heart: I won’t do it any differently.

But a man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.

Destroyed I am.

Reading helps, in times like these. Because you have precedents in situations like these. People have survived, and lived to tell the tale. Knowing this helps.

But comfort and peace of mind are overrated anyway. It was adventure what I sought right from day one, and adventure is what I got. Can’t even complain 😉

Even in this moment of despair and gloom, I still want to work on that theme that I talked about. What would I do with what I already have, if not for something that is beyond me and my petty life….

मैं दीपक हूँ, मेरा जलना ही तो मेरा मुस्काना है|

आभारी हूँ तुमने आकर
मेरा ताप-भरा तन देखा,
आभारी हूँ तुमने आकर
मेरा आह-घिरा मन देखा,
करुणामय वह शब्द तुम्हारा–
’मुसकाओ’ था कितना प्यारा।
मैं दीपक हूँ, मेरा जलना ही तो मेरा मुस्काना है|

है मुझको मालूम पुतलियों
में दीपों की लौ लहराती,
है मुझको मालूम कि अधरों
के ऊपर जगती है बाती,
उजियाला करदेनेवाली
मुसकानों से भी परिचित हूँ,
पर मैंने तम की बाहों में अपना साथी पहचाना है।
मैं दीपक हूँ, मेरा जलना ही तो मेरा मुस्काना है|


…to the new beginnings.

Not that I haven’t done this before ( the whole making-previous-posts-private  thing ), but it seems like a great idea: to live one year at a time.

blog resolution

As someone who has been able to stick with resolutions whole year round, I refuse to give in to the widespread skepticism ( around resolutions in general, and the new year ones in particular ). Hence, the post.

Writing down helps. Keeps you accountable and helps with the course correction if need be.

PS- Zombie-Relationships… I am a fan of zombie movies actually ( World War Z, Train to Busan and so on and so forth )- not so much of the people though. I can’t just be a ‘once in a while‘ or ‘in touch‘ person.

PPS- didn’t know how to define ‘whatever’ Open-mouthed smile

Christmas Post

Christmas hasn’t added much to my life, except there was someone who was around about a decade back and happened to get me Christmas Cakes. To me, it didn’t mean much then. But, over the years there have been quite a few who have come to actuate the christmas spirit. For me. This is incredible, because with time things rather get narrower and specific- for most of us. We had so many friends back in school and college, and look at us now Winking smile Basically, with time, we become more specific rather than adding…cherries to our cake, so to speak.

For me, it has gone differently because maybe, I was not looking to settle. Or, get stable. Even the other day, I joined some distant friends in a protest against government policies and got detained for few hours. A week prior to that, I took my date to another protest Winking smile The point is, by some stroke of chance, I have been able to find high points in life more often than the others. I know of someone who has more stamps on her passport than the number of years I have blessed mother Earth, has a beautiful Instagram feed, yet cries on her birthdays because she is lonely. The point is, people try so much to appear happy, that they forget what actually makes them happy.

I, my mother says, am too lazy to try much to please others.

So yes, as the years go by, there isn’t an iota of regret for the lack of usual high points- the ones that you update your facebook for Open-mouthed smile That, I believe, is what Christmas spirit is about.